When Ted moves to Whispering Pines Retirement Village, he discovers life in the slow lane is very hectic. He's stalked by the village glamour queen, has a fight over his famous chair and finds the village gardener growing suspicious mushrooms in his unit.

Ted's peaceful retirement is turned into chaos when his granddaughter, Terri, comes to stay and Johnno's "gardening video" turns out to be a porno movie.

Ted is at odds with the rest of the village when he refuses to move Neville, his much loved concrete garden Aborigine, during the annual village garden festival.

Joan Collins has erotic plans for Ted, but when Darcy's secret crop of "special herbs" are accidentally mixed into Ted's biscuits, the village line dancing team creates an amazing spectacle at the competition finals.

When the airport flight paths are re-routed over Whispering Pines retirement village, Ted and Johnno fight back with their pigeons.

Ted and Johnno embark on a scheme to win free food and money when they sign up with a new weight loss program and Joan demonstrates the amazing erotic power of a woman to Terri.

Samantha turns to Joan for expert advice when her boyfriend is unable to "perform". Meanwhile Ted's life is destroyed when, surrounded by bills and no money in the bank, he must sell his most valuable asset - the Kingswood.

Samantha's plans to impress the chairman are thrown into chaos when Ted and Johnno's arguments about who makes the best pickled onions erupt into very explosive warfare.

The residents are fascinated when Joan starts writing a sex advice column for the aged. Ted's battle with Madge Burrows's cat escalates and everyone must have flu shots from a very strange doctor.

The village is shocked when Samantha negotiates the sale of the doomed Villa 39 to Australia's great sports legend, Dawn Fraser. Joan consults her Tarot cards to predict the winner of the Melbourne Cup.

Excitement grips the village when a resident dies and leaves them a racehorse. Meanwhile Ted's life is ruined by the surprise arrival of his hated brother, Bob and the sudden disappearance of his beloved Kingswood.

Ted's battle with a nesting magpie escalates to war. Excitement grips the village when Samantha announces a famous celebrity will judge the annual craft show where Ted and Johnno vie for the best home brew trophy.

When Ted's and Joan's pills get mixed up they both go through amazing personality changes. And the annual village holiday trip is ruined when Ted negotiates a special discount airline deal.

When the local bank branch is set to close, the village residents fight back by enlisting the help of a crusading current affairs show.

Samantha's job is under threat when a new, luxury retirement village opens across the road from Whispering Pines. Meanwhile Ted creates havoc when he decides to keep chooks in the village.

After Darcy sells some stolen poultry to the residents, the whole village faces the threat of Hong Kong Chicken Virus when Dr Khan places them all in quarantine. Meanwhile Johnno goes hi-tech and discovers the secret delights of cybersex.

When the village phone system collapses, Samantha and the residents turn to urban warfare to force Telstra to come and fix them.

Samantha is delighted and intrigued to receive letters from a secret admirer in the village and Ted is shocked to discover that he is not an Australian.

Joan plans a return to the stage with her former lover and leading man, Tyrone Wilde and Ted gets a bad case of Hump Rage when the local council puts a speed hump outside the village.

The villagers are in for some surprises when an absent-minded magician moves in and Samantha wins a personal trainer for a month.

Johnno's cybersex affair backfires when his secret internet lover turns up and Samantha's gala pool reopening party is disrupted by some surprise inflatable "toys".

Samantha joins a dating agency and Johnno hypnotizes Darcy to recall the recipe of his very popular salad dressing.

Everyone in the village has to give blood and Johnno and Ted have a fight over Johnno's new radio controlled model plane.

A crime wave is sweeping the village. Samantha is chosen to front the Pines Corporation's TV commercials and after an argument with Muriel, Johnno gets a wig and a girlfriend.

The Bullpitt household is thrown into chaos when Terri is told to leave the village, Uncle Bob turns up with another shonky scheme and Ted is shocked to meet his unknown love child.

Samantha finally meets the man of her dreams. Ted's house is invaded by a vicious Rottweiler dog who's obsessed with TV, two of the best-known village residents die suddenly and Johnno plans a trip around Australia.