No sooner has Damien announced that he doesn’t need a girlfriend, than he falls for the substitute teacher Anna. But an unfortunate incident with a pupil and an icing bag has rendered him impotent.

The school is trashed after the Christmas party, the teachers are hungover, Bob is getting married in the playground—and the Ofsted Inspector is due. Happy Christmas, everyone!

While trying to get out of Bob’s stag do, Ben is reminded of a ouija board prediction: he’s going to die on Friday. Then he sees a miracle. So God must exist, and there’s an afterlife to contend with.