Peter runs up his tab at Mort’s Pharmacy. When he doesn’t have the money to pay, he decides to sell Meg to the Goldmans. Neil is dating another girl which makes Meg jealous, and Stewie falls in love with Liddane, his new babysitter.

After reading an erotic novel, Peter gets the idea to write one himself. Carter gets sued for publishing Peter's book on tape and loses all his money, where he is forced to become a middle-class citizen. Meanwhile, Stewie tries to train for the Olympics.

Brian sells Rupert at a garage sale. Stewie, who is upset with Brian, takes him cross country to Colorado to find his beloved teddy, and ends up having a ski-off to win back Rupert. Meanwhile, Peter loses his license, so Meg has to drive him around.

After Chris is expelled from school, he is sent to a boarding school that his grandfather Carter attended, but Chris doesn't exactly fit in. Meanwhile, the chicken returns to pick a fight with Peter.

Mort Goldman accidentally steps into Stewie's time machine and goes back in time to 1939 Poland, and Brian and Stewie follow to retrieve him. When they find him, the Nazis invade and Mort is taken to Germany, where Stewie and Brian must go to save him, as well as find a way back to the present.

Brian and Stewie attempt to rally Quahog to try and legalize marijuana.

Father doesn't know best when Quagmire assumes responsibility for a baby left at his doorstep. Meanwhile, Stewie creates a stupid clone of himself that he uses as a slave. When he ends up creating a clone for Brian too, they find out that the clones are unstable, at which point the clones break down.

Brian decides to confront Rush Limbaugh when he comes to Quahog for a book signing.

Chris's search for a new hobby leads him to befriend a puppeteer named Franz, until his checkered past is revealed.

Lois cooks a big Thanksgiving meal and invites the whole crew over for dinner, and Joe is shocked when his formerly M.I.A. son, Kevin Swanson, returns from Iraq.

When city hall threatens to close Peter's business, he joins the Tea Party and campaigns to shut down the government.

Peter buys a farm and becomes a meth dealer.

When Carter Pewterschmidt cancels the annual Quahog Christmas carnival, because he hates the holiday, Peter must transform his father-in-law from a Scrooge into a hometown hero in order to salvage the event. Meanwhile, Stewie devises a master plan to get the one and only thing he wants for Christmas.

In a special hour-long crossover with The Simpsons, the Griffins meet the Simpson family when they end up in Springfield after their car is stolen. Stewie takes lessons in pranks and skateboarding from Bart, while Lisa discovers - to her annoyance - that Meg is as good at playing the saxophone as she is. Peter bonds with Homer as they locate the missing car, but then they fight after Peter loses his job when Pawtucket Patriot is revealed to be a copy of Duff Beer.

Peter gets a check in the mail from the sale of his mother's home and he remembers that all of his old porn is still in there. When he returns to retrieve his stash, he finds a "to Peter from Peter" tape and realizes that his life has amounted to nothing. Reeling from his own failures, Peter then attempts to fix Chris before it's too late, and forces his son to spend time with Brian.

Carter buys the Pawtucket Patriot brewery and decides to cut some corners to save a few bucks. Peter overhears the plan and runs and tells investigative journalist Tricia Takanawa about Carter's plan to use toxic chemicals in the beer cans. Meanwhile, Brian's drivers' license has expired and he enlists Stewie as an instructor.

After Peter and the guys get caught pretending to be military veterans and are found guilty of the Stolen Valor Act, a judge sentences them to join the U.S. Coast Guard.

Peter is given the position of the next White House Press Secretary and the Griffin family gets ready to make a move to Washington, D.C.

Brian worries about the legacy he's leaving behind, so Stewie makes a robot duplicate as a living biography.

Stewie finally says his first word, and it's a swear. When Lois is shunned by the other moms, she tries to figure out where Stewie could have possibly learned it.

Peter and Lois accidentally set up a cutaway gag together, which somehow transports them into the cutaway itself.

Impelled by nostalgia, Peter recreates movie scenes from his favorite decade; Stewie and Doug compete to retrieve a Frisbee stuck at the top of the jungle gym.

Peter hires the town's new lawyer, Brick Baker, to represent him in litigation against his new neighbor -- who turns out to be Brick; Brian and Stewie become lobstermen and save Rupert from the perils of the deep.

The guys recount their first true love stories, leading to parodies of "Castaway," "Dirty Dancing" and various Meg Ryan rom-coms.

Stewie tries to civilize his half-brother, Boston Stewie, so that he may be adopted. Meanwhile, Meg and Chris start a venture in which people online pay Chris to sit on and smash cupcakes.

Stewie and Brian become overwhelmed after winning a coffee shop. Peter and his friends annoy Meg at her new lifeguard job when they don't follow the pool rules.