Brian tries to use Dylan's television connections to further his career.

Peter grows frustrated when players on opposing teams continue to thank God after defeating his beloved New England Patriots football team, so he and the guys embark on a global quest to find God and ask Him to stop interfering with the outcome of professional football games.

Peter and Lois decide to open a cookie store, but Peter ruins things when he decides to bring clients in his own way.

After running into Jesus at the Quahog Mall, Peter is stunned to discover that the Son of God is still a virgin. So, he enlists Quagmire and Cleveland to help him throw Jesus the best birthday ever by finding a way to help him become a man.

The guys go to an abandoned asylum seeking inspiration for a new horror movie idea, but end up accidentally killing a man they think is keeping them hostage. Wracked with guilt, they each try to pin the murder on someone else. Meanwhile, Stewie is on a mission to destroy Brian's glasses because he's annoyed by how pretentious Brian's been acting when he wears them