Johnny and Dukey must help a pathetic pirate, Nobeard, take down his powerful brother pirate, Blackbeard, and impress his father, Greybeard. Johnny goes back to the future to get his sisters' help.

Hugh's constant sayings of "no" begin to infuriate Johnny, so, with Susan and Mary's help, they make a new one. However, when the new dad gets exposed to the plutonium he got for Susan and Mary, things start to turn out ugly.

Dukey gets jealous when Johnny takes Repto-Slicer to school for pet day and not him. However, this lands him into danger of becoming a TV star.

After hearing about American heroes in Social Studies class, Johnny decides to help his classmates by bringing back applesauce as a vigilante after the Lunch Lady outlaws it. However, this lands him into trouble.