The annual ceremony of the Vestal Virgins is about to be held. The compere hasn't turned up, so Ludicrus has to 'do the homours', aided by Lurcio.

Ludicrous is promoting a bill in the Senate to close down the local brothels. This brings him into conflict with the brothel keepers, who plot to ruin the Vestal Virgins ceremony.

Ammonia is expecting an unwelcome visit from an old flame. She tells Lurcio to get rid of him using a poisonous asp. When a man arrives at the front door, Lurcio disposes of him, as instructed. Then Ludicrus announces that he's expecting a visit from Stovus Primus...

An army has to be raised to go to Britain to put down revolting natives. Lurcio is forced to go along, though he'd prefer not to.