This week Booze Lightyear takes on modern feminism and equality. Is it weird that I say "hello"? Don't people normally say "hello" when they greet one another? What? Just because you're reading this and we aren't physically talking to one another face-to-face that means I can't say "hello"? What kind of nonsense is that?! FUCK YOU I'LL SAY HELLO IF I WANT, YOU BASTARDS!! ... Sorry that outburst was uncalled for. I promise it won't happen again. Goodbye.

Emojis are totally awesome, bro. They're straight up yolo, swag, and other slang words. But what do they mean? Pass the blunt to the left and pay attention while we explain the true meaning of emojis to you. And if you're on your best behavior, I've got some fruit rollups and pop tarts in the kitchen you can have.