René Artois, owner of the Café René in the French village of Nouvion, is 'persuaded' by the Resistance to hide two escaping British airmen. René is more interested in having affairs with his two waitresses without his wife finding out.

The Germans, who are occupying the village, are busy looting anything valuable.

The Colonel & the Captain mull over their situation and decide they should probably hand over René and the painting to the Gestapo in order to get rid of Herr Flick. But René convinces them that they could hand over a forged copy of the painting instead (with the assistance of a conveniently-located forger), and gets them to lend their uniforms to the escaping British officers so the Brits can take the painting to England to be forged.

Meanwhile, everyone keeps handing René poison pills "to make it easier", Herr Flick decides his relationship with Helga should include an intimate dinner in Rene's back room, and Hans figures out that putting cheese in one's ears improves the sound of Madame Edith's singing.

After the Colonel's and the Captain's uniforms are borrowed by the British airmen, and later burned, they will have to send for replacement uniforms. Supplied by Michelle are carrier pigeons, which madame Edith accidentally cooks and serves to Herr Otto Flick.

The Colonel & the Captain and Herr Flick are all disguised as onion sellers while the German uniforms are being remade by the Jewish tailors of London. Michelle delivers a bottle of nitro-glycerin disguised as a bottle of Bols Gin to hide in the Cafe until they come to fetch it that night to blow up a German railway.

Hans mistakes the nitro for gin and accidentally blows up the railway himself! The Germans capture René, Yvette, and the peasant-disguised Colonel and Captain. As Helga, Leclerc, and Edith each attempt to help the gang escape, General Von Klinkerhoffen arrives in town and demands that the only known saboteur be shot. This means René's death by firing squad, with Lieutenant Gruber in charge of the squad!

René tries to go back to his normal life after his fake execution, posing as his twin brother, also named René, but the funeral arrangements are difficult when there is no body, Monsieur Leclerc is cheaper than the regular priest and the coffin is filled with anti-tank bombs.

The Communist Resistance wants to make a martyr out of the dead René, and kidnaps the Colonel and the Captain at the Captain's birthday party. To make matters worse, they offer them on a platter to René's twin brother René, so that he can shoot them.

The Colonel's birthday party becomes a perfect opportunity for getting the real painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies back from Herr Flick of the Gestapo, and substituting it with the forgery that was made earlier. The plan is to not invite Herr Flick but make sure that he hears about the big Binge – a traditional feast with genuine Bavarian dances featuring girls dressed as the Hitler Youth – so that he will have to come. In the meantime, René and Edith are supposed to walk into the office of Herr Flick and substitute the real with the fake. Of course, they fail – which means that Herr Flick now both has the fake and the original plus a second forgery, which he commissioned on his own in order to have money for his marriage with Helga after the war.

After the British airmen are gone for good – or so René thinks – there is still the problem of Herr Flick owning all three copies of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies (one original and two fakes), and while Herr Flick kidnaps Lieutenant Gruber (a former art house worker), the Colonel and the Captain start to plan their next move.

All the while, René's widow Edith have found René's will, and being the sole beneficiary, goes on a spending spree with René's money to attract better suitors. And the British airmen return as nuns. They are last seen hidden in the piano.

René is caught in a dilemma when he must choose between the women he loves: his waitresses Yvette and Marie, and his wife Edith, who as his widow has all his money. Unfortunately, he cannot bring himself to woo Edith again, so Edith seeks the attention that she can get from other suitors in town.

We pick up the action mere moments after the close of the previous episode, as the airmen-filled cow narrowly escape being milked by a German patrol while awaiting the landing of the plane. As they watch disappointedly, the plane does not land, and instead jettisoning two parachutes, one of which yields a new escape package. The other yields Officer Crabtree, sent from "British Ontelligence Headquitters". Disguised as a policeman, he is supposed to blend in. Unfortunately, his French is abominable, getting the vowels wrong as often as not.

Meanwhile, the plan to blow up the non-painting-filled knockwurst on its way to Hitler has hit a snag: René can't find anyone to blow up the train.

After failing to destroying the train, which will take the copy of the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies to Hitler, René and the Captain are captured by the Resistance, only to be rescued by Herr Flick. The Colonel and the Captain are afraid that Hitler will understand that the painting is a copy, and prepare to escape to Switzerland. In the meantime, British agent in disguise, officer Crabtree, has a new escape plan for the British airmen.

René tries to hide from the seconds of Monsieur Alphonse, the undertaker, but in his stead Lieutenant Gruber accepts the duel. However, the Colonel and the Captain want to save René and plans an exercise to "accidentally" kill Monsieur Alphonse. The plan is thwarted by Herr Flick, who has discovered that the sausage that was sent to Berlin containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies did not contain any painting – either real or fake. Herr Flick correctly assumes that the Colonel and the Captain stole the painting, and arrests them and cancels the exercise. Now René has to fight the duel on his own, while Yvette and Maria grieve on the sidelines and his wife Edith catches up on the gossip of the week.

After René ran away from the duel with Monsieur Alphonse, he hides. He's rescued by Michelle from the Resistance who smuggles him back into the café dressed as a member of the Resistance, while she explains to Monsieur Alphonse that René is the bravest man in France. But Herr Flick has captured the Colonel and the Captain, and brings in René as well, and torture them unless they reveal where the painting of "The Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies" is hidden. They are rescued by General von Klinkerhoffen.

With life back to normal, there's only a matter of getting the British airmen out. As the General imposes a curfew, Michelle's plan is a funeral for Madame Fanny.

The airmen's escape is thwarted by Nazi gunfire, and the air balloon crashes into Madame Fanny's bedroom.

General Von Klinkerhoffen takes command of Nouvion and orders Colonel Von Strohm to woo Edith in order to infiltrate the Résistance. The Colonel soon relegates the duty to Captain Hans Geering. Herr Flick plots the death of the General by poisoned dart, with Helga assigned to do the fatal deed. The Colonel and the Captain plan to poison the General's wine with a lethal pill, whilst Michelle has Edith make a Black Forest Gateau packed with dynamite.

After the Colonel makes René promise not to hang out with the Resistance anymore, Herr Flick's sausage (containing the forgery of the Fallen Madonna) is kidnapped by the Communist Resistance. The Colonel and the Captain are anxious that it doesn't come out that they have switched the paintings, and order René to come up with the ransom, which Edith gets from Monsieur Alphonse.

The ransom is to be left by René and his staff, dressed as German soldiers. But the whole thing is watched by German soldiers dressed as French policemen, the Gestapo dressed as French Resistance girls, and the Colonel and the Captain dressed as trees. And of course, Lieutenant Gruber stumbles upon the meeting, and his dog can't help but chase the sausage.

The sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, which was taken by Lieutenant Gruber's dog, is minced by the Lieutenant – but fortunately he discovers it first and saves it. At the same time, the missing knockwurst means that Monsieur Alphonse cannot get back the money which he leant to pay the ransom of the kidnapped sausage. The Resistance pays him back with Monsieur Leclerc's badly forged money. But after everything seems to be getting back to normal, the sausage is sent to Lieutenant Gruber to make another copy. Also, Michelle's latest plan to get the British airmen back is by an old plane with the motor from general von Klinkerhoffen's lawn mower.

After Maria is sent to Lieutenant Gruber with the sausage containing the real painting of the Fallen Madonna for copying, she is caught by General von Klinckerhofen, who places the sausage in his wardrobe and helds Maria hostage until his lawn mover engine is returned by the Resistance.

Herr Flick, the Colonel and the Captain, and René hears about this and decides to go to the chateau through the secret passages and steal the sausage from under the General's nose, using Helga, Yvette and Lieutenant Gruber as erotical bait.

With René again in the possession of the sausage containing the painting of the Fallen Madonna, the attention turns to getting the two British airmen out of France. Michelle proposes a steam engine tour through Nouvion. Michelle's newest hairbrained scheme of getting the airmen out will of course need 80 meters of suspenders, and it's René's job to get them from every Frenchman in Nouvion. Herr Flick and Helga arrive in his staff car to spy on the show.

After the plot to get the two British airmen out failed, a frustrated René returns to the painting of the Fallen Madonna. He hides it behind an ugly painting in his café which is immediately recognized by General von Klinkerhoffen as a Van Gogh and requisitioned for his office in the chateau. He also requistions the two new maids in Café René – or as they are better known: the two British airmen in disguise.

Realizing that the two airmen will be recognized right away, Michelle of the Resistance comes up with another hairbrained scheme of digging a tunnel from Monsieur Alphonse's morgue into the prisoner of war camp and smuggling in the two airmen into the camp.

While the Captain is sitting in the café, herr Flick from the Gestapo is listening when René is talking to London on the wireless. He soon cracks the code surrounding the message with the plan to dig a tunnel from the mortuary to hide the British airmen.

But it's soon apparent that the two airmen and Monsieur Alphonse need help with the digging, and the café staff are called in, leaving Madame Fanny and Leclerc in the café. But the Colonel and the Captain follow René, discover the tunnel, and are captured in the prisoner of war camp.

Two years have passed. The airmen have finally escaped to England and Captain Bertorelli and his Italian troops have gone home. René thinks life is now relatively peaceful. Then Yvette announces that she's pregnant.

Colonel Von Strohm and Lieutenant Gruber get Helga to steal the painting of the 'Fallen Madonna' from Herr Flick. She cuts off one of the boobies and keeps it, to make sure that she'll get her 'cut' when the painting is sold.

René and Edith are in the Alps celebrating Edith's birthday. As they drink champagne and eat cake they start to reminisce about the WWII days, and we are shown several clips with highlights from the entire series. Some of the clips include: Michelle's many "I shall say this only once" plans, René's shooting, the flying nun, Crabtree's bad french, Gruber's advances towards René, René's affairs with the girls, Fanny and Leclerc in the foldup-bed, Leclerc's disguises etc.

A one-off special. René is writing his memoirs and needs help to fill in the "big gaps". Features some of the original cast reprising their roles; inter-worked with a documentary about the show's history.