Michael doesn't want to upset the staff so he gets Dwight to pass on news about the company's reduced health provisions. Fed up with his nosiness, Jim and Pam pretend they are suffering from a variety of conditions including Ebola, Mad Cow Disease, spontaneous dentohydroplosion, hotdog fingers, nano-robot infection...

Michael arranges a morale-boosting birthday party for Meredith and is determined to come up with the funniest message in her card. Dwight wants a pact with Jim to fight the downsizing, and Michael regrets showing off when Oscar asks for sponsorship for a charity walk being undertaken by his nephew, who has cerebral palsy.