My bodyguard is responsible for everything related to my body, including moving the stuff I surround my body with.

Got legit sick filming this. Didn’t sleep for 48 hrs. Not cuz of drugs, you haters, b/c I’m an effing method actor.

Bodyguard flat out refuses to be my daddy baby, so I flat out threaten to steal his sperm.

I learn never to drive drunk. Especially when driving a blimp.

I’m going back to college to get my The Bachelor degree.

It’s just a little crush and I throw up a little every time they touch.

But Ashley doesn’t have nipple hair!

Quiet, Evil Dragon, I’m trying to write a description!

Do you feel lucky, Bodyguard? Are you a Luckyguard?

OMG you guys! I’m back! Did you miss me?

Tricking is less calorific than treating.

Bodyguard’s in his birthday suit.

Bodyguard gets a pink slip. Oooooh, pink!

One girl’s trash is another girl’s bodyguard.

Rub-a-dub-dub, Ashley wants some love.

Bodyguard and Professor go head-to-fat-head.

Ashley won’t take gross for an answer.

It’s not bulimia when you haven’t eaten.

The lord is my shepherd, but lambswool makes me itchy.

Mary-Kate tweets her way to safety.

Magazines are sooo heavy. Especially the ones with pictures of fat people.

Can’t sleep? Count sheepskin boots.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house… I was shuffling around chain smoking and trying on different shoes.

It’s freezing cold under all these layers.

Start the morning with a gallon of joe.

It’s always the bodyguard you least suspect.

I fought the law and the law was a jerk face.

Mary-Kate deals with life in the slammer.

Mary-Kate loves shiny appliances! And by that she means sweaty laborers.

Mary-Kate and Bodyguard may have effed up and effed.

Take once per day with a picture of food.

Mary-Kate challenges Bodyguard to some 1am Pictionary.

Mary-Kate gets lost indoors and has to crack out her survival skills.

Mary-Kate is torn between her muscleman and her Frenchman.

Who wants daiquiris??? #nofilter

Mary-Kate and Jewish-Looking Girl trip into friendship.

Mary-Kate needs help with a homework assignment, and enlists the help of everyone she knows.

Mary-Kate creates her own drinking game, and quickly gets sick of it.

Bodyguard and Mary-Kate’s relationship takes a turn for the staticky.

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