
Two and a Half Men (2003)
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Ashton Kutcher as Walden Schmidt
Episodes 85
Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt
Alan and Jake meet Walden Schmidt, a broken-hearted billionaire.
Read MorePeople Who Love Peepholes
Walden deals with his ex-wife, Bridget.
Read MoreBig Girls Don't Throw Food
Alan prepares Walden for a date with Bridget, while Jake decides to emulate Walden and drop out of school.
Read MoreNine Magic Fingers
Walden goes looking for Mrs. Right while Alan has an opportunity to reconcile with Lyndsey.
Read MoreA Giant Cat Holding a Churro
Alan has trouble accepting Lyndsey's seedy movie past, and Walden tries to cheer him up by throwing a party.
Read MoreThe Squat and the Hover
Walden receives divorce papers from Bridget, but forgets his depression when he meets a girl who looks eerily like her.
Read MoreThose Fancy Japanese Toilets
Jake has a crush on his chemistry tutor, who has a crush on Walden. Meanwhile, Alan obsesses over the journal his brother left him in his will.
Read MoreThank You for the Intercourse
When Walden begins redecorating the beach house, Alan becomes overly emotional.
Read MoreFrodo's Headshots
Upon his release from the hospital, Alan is met with a slew of challenges that test his ability to cope.
Read MoreA Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes
Walden hits it off with a British babe, but neither of them is sure he's ready to re-enter the dating world.
Read MoreWhat a Lovely Landing Strip
Walden is trying his best to impress his new love interest when Bridget reappears in his life.
Read MoreOne False Move, Zimbabwe!
Walden's mother arrives and Alan is smitten with her, even as she reveals a secret about Walden's past that sends him into a downward spiral.
Read MoreSlowly and in a Circular Fashion
Walden’s ex-wife and mother try to take control of his company, so he turns to Alan for help.
Read MoreA Possum on Chemo
Zoey tries to convince Walden to cut his hair and shave; Alan and Lyndsey revive their relationship.
Read MoreThe Duchess of Dull-in-Sack
Walden tries to loosen Zooey up by sharing some of Berta's special brownies.
Read MoreSips, Sonnets and Sodomy
Strained relationships and girl-fighting result when a huge storm traps Walden, Alan, Zoey and Lyndsey in the house on Valentine's Day.
Read MoreNot in My Mouth!
Walden and Zoey's relationship suffers after they share a near-death experience. Meanwhile, Alan wonders if Lyndsey has a drinking problem.
Read MoreThe War Against Gingivitis
Walden's ex-business partner shows up at the beach house looking to make peace.
Read MorePalmdale, Ech
Alan and Lyndsey introduce their mothers. Jake and Eldridge get a ride from Walden to a party.
Read MoreGrandma's Pie
Walden breaks the news to Zoey that he is going into business with his ex-wife. Alan and Lyndsey try to cope with their mom's relationship.
Read MoreMr. Hose Says 'Yes'
Walden's commitment is tested when Zoey and her daughter come to live with him. Meanwhile, Alan gets more than he bargained for when he moves in with Lyndsey
Read MoreWhy We Gave Up Women
Charlie's ghost pays a visit to Alan after he suffers a minor heart attack.
Read MoreThe Straw in My Donut Hole
Alan is showered with love and affection upon returning from the hospital, but Zoey isn’t so sure it’s deserved.
Read MoreOh Look! Al-Qaeda!
Jake is pressured to make a decision about his future.
Read MoreI Changed My Mind About the Milk
Walden plans a big surprise for Zoey's birthday.
Read MoreA Big Bag of Dog
Zoey and Walden break up, causing Walden to experience a breakdown.
Read MoreFour Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt
Alan and Lyndsey decide to spice things up in the bedroom.
Read MoreYou Do Know What the Lollipop Is For
Walden starts to feel his age when a friend's daughter comes to town.
Read MoreThat's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam
Despite Alan's warnings, Walden starts dating Rose.
Read MoreFerrets, Attack!
Walden must choose between Zoey and Rose.
Read MoreAvoid the Chinese Mustard
When Walden gets tired of the complications that come with a traditional relationship, he hires an actress to be his girlfriend; Jake plans a rendezvous with Missi (Miley Cyrus) at the beach house.
Read MoreSomething My Gynecologist Said
Alan feels reluctant to make a commitment to Lyndsey, but an unexpected source inspires him; Walden enjoys being the boy-toy of a wealthy older woman.
Read MoreI Scream When I Pee
Alans famous ex-wife, Kandi, wants to reconcile; when Berta isn't interested in celebrating her birthday, Walden tries to make her day special.
Read MoreOne Nut Johnson
Alan helps Walden create a new identity so he can avoid women who are only interested in his money.
Read MoreGive Santa a Tail-Hole
Walden juggles his two identities; Alan ends up alone on Christmas.
Read MoreWelcome to Alancrest
Alan invests Walden's money in Kate's fashion line; leading a double life takes its toll on Walden.
Read MoreGrab a Feather and Get in Line
Alan and Walden go to Kate's fashion show in New York so Walden can reveal the truth about his identity.
Read MoreRun, Steven Staven! Run!
Alan is faced with relationship trouble when he does not give Lyndsey a key to the beach house; Walden, Alan, Herb and Billy commiserate about relationships.
Read MorePaint It, Pierce It or Plug It
When Jake brings his 36-year-old girlfriend home for a visit, Alan is concerned; Walden tries to hide something from Alan.
Read MoreAdvantage: Fat, Flying Baby
Depressed on Valentine's Day, Walden tries to talk Kate into giving him another chance; Alan's holiday plans go south.
Read MoreThrogwarten Middle School Mysteries
When Walden runs into his ex and they start talking about getting back together, Alan worries that she is not good enough.
Read MoreThe 9:04 from Pemberton
After a fight with Walden, Alan decides to move in with Herb.
Read MoreBig Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon
Alan and Walden end up partying too hard as they try to cheer up Herb.
Read MoreBazinga! That's From a TV Show
Walden and Alan are caught in the crossfire when Jake cheats on his girlfriend (Jaime Pressly) with her 18-year-old daughter.
Read MoreAnother Night with Neil Diamond
Alan has a difficult time coping when Lyndsey breaks up with him.
Read MoreMy Bodacious Vidalia
With encouragement from Walden, Alan decides to update his look; Alan is faced with a moral dilemma when he attracts a married woman.
Read MoreCows, Prepare to Be Tipped
Walden dates an attractive 22-year-old (Hilary Duff), but ends up being more interested in her grandmother (Marilu Henner); Jake and Alan go on a trip.
Read MoreNangnangnangnang
Charlie's 25-year-old daughter arrives at the beach house, hoping to get to know her family.
Read MoreI Think I Banged Lucille Ball
Jenny moves in with Evelyn and her wealthy boyfriend, Marty (Carl Reiner).
Read MoreThis Unblessed Biscuit
Walden and Alan think it may be time for Berta to retire when she injures her back at work. When they suggest her retiring, she grows offended, and as the conversation progresses she quits. Walden and Alan then try different maids, with little success.
Read MoreClank, Clank, Drunken Skank
Alan and Lyndsey's illicit relationship becomes jeopardized when one of Lyndsey's man-hunting friends, Stephanie (Jennifer Aspen), asks if they are back together. The two staunchly deny it, then Lyndsey insists that Alan make a date with Stephanie so that she will believe their lie. Alan meets her for an uncomfortable date, which nevertheless leads to sex, causing Lyndsey to get mad and leave Alan again.
Read MoreAlan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003
Alan tries to find out what Lyndsey's boyfriend has over him; Walden helps Jenny pursue her acting career.
Read MoreJustice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants
When Alan learns Walden knows Lynda Carter, he asks him to set him up on a date with her. Against his better judgment, Walden agrees to invite her to the house for dinner.
Read MoreSome Kind of Lesbian Zombie
Walden and Alan find themselves on dates with two ideal women until Lyndsey's jealousy throws a wrench in their evening.
Read MoreMr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room.
Alan and Lyndsey’s illicit affair puts Walden in danger, forcing him to accept Rose’s help.
Read MoreNumero Uno Accidente Lawyer
Walden goes on a date with an accident-prone model; Alan's date reveals surprising personal information about herself to him.
Read MoreOn Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer!
Jake sends Alan a Japanese delicacy; the house comes alive with questionable Christmas lyrics.
Read MoreTazed in the Lady Nuts
Walden joins his beautiful former employee on a brilliant new project. Meanwhile, Alan advises Jenny to open up to her girlfriend or risk losing her.
Read MoreBaseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball.
Lyndsey's boyfriend sets Alan up on a date; Walden wants to help Nicole with her project so she will have time to date him.
Read MoreBite Me, Supreme Court
Marty Pepper (Carl Reiner) proposes to Evelyn; Alan and Walden plan a bachelor party for Marty.
Read MoreThree Fingers of Creme de Menthe
Alan finds out that Lyndsey broke up with Larry without telling him; Walden tries to prove he is a man's man.
Read MoreCab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin
Alan asks Lyndsey to choose between him and Larry; Jenny worries that she and Brooke are growing apart.
Read MoreHow to Get Rid of Alan Harper
Walden thinks his girlfriend is cheating on him; Alan starts dating Larry's sister, Gretchen (Kimberly Williams-Paisley).
Read MoreWelcome Home, Jake
Lyndsey finds out about Alan's relationship with Gretchen; Walden has a difficult time telling Barry to find his own place.
Read MoreWest Side Story
Walden gets an invitation to his ex-girlfriend's boutique opening. Meanwhile, Gretchen wants to spend more time at Alan's (a.k.a. Jeff Strongman) house.
Read MoreLan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang
After reconnecting with Kate, Walden becomes convinced she is the one for him -- until he meets a woman named Vivian (Mila Kunis).
Read MoreLotta Delis in Little Armenia
Alan finds an opportunity to make money; Walden addresses his co-dependency issues.
Read MoreDial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot
Alan's girlfriend, Gretchen, insists he confess his true identity to Larry. Meanwhile, Walden goes on a road trip with Jenny and Barry to see his first car.
Read MoreOh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead
Alan must face the consequences after revealing his identity to Larry.
Read MoreThe Ol' Mexican Spinach
After a health scare on Halloween, Walden decides he needs to change his life.
Read MoreA Chic Bar in Ibiza
Alan has second thoughts about getting married after he's asked to sign a pre-nup.
Read MoreGlamping in a Yurt
Alan and Walden have a meeting with an adoption social worker that hinges on them being convincing as a loving couple. Lyndsey returns after 60 days in rehab.
Read MoreThirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight
A birth mother considers having Walden and Alan adopt her baby.
Read MoreOontz. Oontz. Oontz.
Walden becomes a foster parent to a 6-year-old boy, but worries about himself when they don't hit it off like he hoped.
Read MoreAlan Shot a Little Girl
Alan breaks Walden's rules when he realizes that Louis thinks he's cool, and he wants it to stay that way.
Read MoreSex with an Animated Ed Asner
Alan and Walden befriend three moms at a kids’ gym, but things get complicated when Walden becomes attracted to one of them. Alan goes out for a girls’ night with a group of moms.
Read MoreFamily, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey
Alan and Walden attempt to convince Louis that Santa Claus is real.
Read MoreBouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey
Walden discovers how challenging it is to be intimate with women when his foster son, Louis, is in the house. Also, Herb asks Alan if he can go on a date with Lyndsey.
Read MoreHere I Come, Pants!
Alan takes it upon himself to help Walden keep Louis after the social worker discovers he and Walden are not really a gay couple.
Read MoreFor Whom the Booty Calls
Walden joins a group for adoptive fathers, and finds it to be a nice escape from Alan.
Read MoreA Beer-Battered Rip-Off
When Alan breaks up with their social worker to get back together with Lyndsey, Walden worries it will affect Louis’ adoption.
Read MoreBoompa Loved His Hookers
Walden fears if he breaks up with Ms. McMartin, it will jeopardize his adoption of Louis. Also, Alan hesitates when Lyndsey asks him to move in with her.
Read MoreDon't Give a Monkey a Gun
After they sign their divorce papers, Walden offers Alan the gift of his choice, but when Alan chooses something selfish and impractical, it puts his relationship with Lyndsey on the line.
Read MoreOf Course He's Dead (1)
Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
Read MoreOf Course He's Dead (2)
Charlie Harper is alive. Or is he?
Read More