Graeme Garden — Writer

Episodes 74

Beefeaters

0%
November 8, 197030m
1x1

The Goodies are asked to assist in discovering who is stealing the Beefeaters' beef.

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Snooze

0%
November 15, 197030m
1x2

The Goodies are asked to market a bedtime drink called 'Venom'. They decide that the first thing needed is a name change to 'Snooze'.

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Give Police a Chance

0%
November 22, 197030m
1x3

The Goodies are hired to improve the image of the police with the general public.

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Playgirl Club

0%
November 29, 197030m
1x4

The Goodies are asked to recover some sexually explicit photographs of politicians.

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The Greenies

0%
December 6, 197030m
1x5

The Goodies go on holiday to a Cornish village that has been subjected to military takeover.

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Cecily

0%
December 13, 197030m
1x6

The Goodies take a job helping out at a stately home, and meet sweet Cecily, who is not all that she seems...

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Radio Goodies

0%
Season Finale
December 20, 197030m
1x7

The Goodies open a pirate radio station - and post office.

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The Loch Ness Monster

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October 1, 197130m
2x1

The Goodies help a suicidal zookeeper to locate a monster for London Zoo's Snowdon Monster House.

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Commonwealth Games

0%
October 8, 197130m
2x2

The Goodies take part in the Commonwealth Games as the British team against the August Bank Holiday Islands - with the entire Commonwealth at stake.

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Pollution

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October 15, 197130m
2x3

The land is covered in pollution and the Goodies suspect corruption.

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The Lost Tribe

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October 22, 197130m
2x4

The Goodies are asked to find Professor Knutts who went missing whilst leading an expedition to find the Lost Tribe of the Orinoco in 1951. They eventually find him - in Sevenoaks.

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Music Lovers

0%
October 29, 197130m
2x5

Musicians are being kidnapped all over the country, so The Goodies become famous musicians too, eventually get stolen and come face-to-face with their arch-enemy - The Music Master.

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For Art's Sake

0%
November 5, 197130m
2x6

Tim's crusade to stop rich Americans from buying all of Britain's art treasures sees him bidding a huge amount of money for one painting, forcing the Goodies to take drastic action to pay for it.

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Kitten Kong

0%
November 12, 197130m
2x7

The Goodies' Animal Clinic looks after various problem animals, including Twinkle the kitten who, thanks to Graeme's growth formula, grows to a massive size and terrorises London.

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Dancing

0%
November 19, 197130m
2x8

Asked to be part of a formation dancing team, the Goodies find that dancing isn't as gentle and pure as they thought, especially when they encounter Delia Capone and her corrupt team.

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Farm Fresh Food

0%
December 10, 197130m
2x9

Disgusted at the awful cuisine served up at Ye Olde Shepherds Restaurant, the Goodies head to the farm of Tim's uncle for some fresh country food, only to be further disappointed upon arrival.

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Free to Live

0%
December 17, 197130m
2x10

Bill reports Graeme and Tim to the Women's Liberation Front after he disapproves of their treatment of Graeme's new totty. As a punishment, they are sent to work for Lord Charles (a male chauvinist) - Graeme as the butler and Tim as the maid.

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Gender Education

0%
December 31, 197130m
2x11

In response to a proposed appalling BBC film (for schoolchildren, mark you) on S-E-X education, Mrs. Desiree Carthorse - the self-proclaimed most powerful person in the field of television, if not the world, enlists The Goodies to make her version: 'How to Make Babies by Doing Dirty Things'.

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Charity Bounce AKA London to Brighton

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January 7, 197230m
2x12

The Goodies are bouncing on space hoppers from London to Brighton for charity. However, they continue to bounce on around the world much to the horror of their tight-fisted sponsor.

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Double Trouble

20%
January 14, 197230m
2x13

The Goodies' bid to win the Nice Person of the Year Award is being sabotaged by the mysterious Dr. Petal and his evil robot doubles of them and other famous people.

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Kitten Kong (Montreux edition)

0%
April 9, 197230m
2x14

The Goodies' Animal Clinic looks after various problem animals, including Twinkle the kitten who, thanks to Graeme's growth formula, grows to a massive size and terrorises London.

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The New Office

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February 4, 197330m
3x1

The Goodies need a new office, but after being ripped off in the local estate agent they decide to build their own - a Graeme designed mobile disused railway station.

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Hunting Pink

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February 11, 197330m
3x2

Tim is off to spend the weekend at Tally-Ho Towers with his rich Great Uncle Butcher-Fitzsimmons. He is dressed as a Guardsman in the hope that this will impress the old man into leaving him all his money in his will. Bill and Graeme think this is despicable, disgusting - and a very good idea, so they invite themselves along.

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The Winter Olympics

0%
February 18, 197330m
3x3

The Goodies agree to be Britain's team in the Winter Olympics at the North Pole (there's apparently been a lot of snow there recently).

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That Old Black Magic

0%
February 25, 197330m
3x4

Witch Hazel's problems with casting spells leads the Goodies to help her to contact lost souls via a seance, and Graeme's mystical powers eventually see him turned into a gibbon.

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For Those in Peril on the Sea

0%
March 4, 197330m
3x5

Graeme's urge to recreate an early Viking expedition and find the Lost Island Of Munga sees the Goodies shipwrecked and at the mercy of an old foe from a previous show.

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Way Outward Bound

0%
March 11, 197330m
3x6

The failure to find any kids willing to go to an adventure school forces the Goodies to attend disguised as children, only to find that the school is being used for a far more sinister cause.

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Superstar

0%
July 7, 197330m
3x7

Appalled at the offensive songs in the hit parade, the Goodies perform a sickly sweet song on the Maxie Grease Show, but Bill is exploited and turned into a superstar by an unscrupulous agent.

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Camelot

0%
December 1, 197330m
4x1

Tim's Uncle King Arthur (actually Arthur King, but appearing as 'King, Arthur' in the phone book) is away on holiday and the Goodies have to look after his home, firstly turning it into a tourist attraction, then having to defend it from the clutches of the local town planner.

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Invasion of the Moon Creatures

0%
December 8, 197330m
4x2

Graeme's attempt to send rabbits to the moon seems to be a failure until Bill and Tim's space voyage discovers plots of vegetables and the menacing presence of Big Bunny.

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Hospital for Hire

0%
December 15, 197330m
4x3

A bad experience with the hospital system forces the Goodies to become doctors themselves and attempt to fix up the health system with the help of Graeme's magic elixir.

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The Goodies and the Beanstalk

0%
December 24, 197330m
4x4

The Goodies have hit rock-bottom and are forced to sell Buttercup for a tin of baked beans. In an act of desperation, Graeme plants one of the beans...

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The Stone Age

0%
December 29, 197330m
4x5

Graeme discovers an ancient tunnel below the Goodies' office and his penchant for potholing soon finds them stuck inside the stomach of a tyrannosaurus rex.

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Goodies in the Nick

0%
January 5, 197430m
4x6

A timid policeman needs the Goodies' help in boosting his tally of arrests, but their fiendishly cunning bank robbery sees them locked away in prison and desperate to escape.

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The Race

0%
January 12, 197430m
4x7

A wrong turn to Skegness sees the Goodies winning the Tour de France cycling race, so they decide to also enter Le Mans and convert their disused railway station office into a car.

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The Movies

0%
February 10, 197530m
5x1

The Goodies buy a movie studio and attempt to revitalise the British film industry, but ultimately descend into chaos when they each try to shoot their own film at the same time.

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The Clown Virus

0%
February 17, 197530m
5x2

A job to dispose of a harmless can of 'tomato soup' for an American military base sees the whole British population turned into clowns and ripe for an invasion by US troops.

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Chubby Chumps

0%
February 24, 197530m
5x3

Tim has become rather flabby while the others have been away fishing, but trims himself down thanks to a brainwashing radio DJ and enters the Miss Housewife of the Year Contest.

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Wacky Wales

0%
March 3, 197530m
5x4

An invitation to an eisteddfod in Wales has the Goodies in all sorts of trouble with the Reverend after they dare to break many of the puritanical local laws and actually try to entertain people.

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Frankenfido

0%
March 10, 197530m
5x5

Graeme's dog breeding venture gets out of hand and Tim's only chance to win at Crufts is to dress Bill in a dog costume, which forces Graeme to create a shaggy monster of his own.

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Scatty Safari

0%
March 17, 197530m
5x6

The main attraction at The Goodies Star Safari Park, Tony Blackburn, is hearing the call of the wild and pining for his freedom. The trio realise that they can no longer keep such a magnificent beast in captivity, and release him. But who should they get to replace him?

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Kung Fu Kapers!

0%
March 24, 197530m
5x7

Bill reveals himself to be a Grand Master of the infinitely more subtle and superior Lancastrian martial art of Ecky Thump.

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Lighthouse Keeping Loonies

0%
March 31, 197530m
5x8

The Goodies answer an advert for 'a little light housekeeping' and find themselves stuck for five years in charge of an 'overgrown lamp post'.

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Rome Antics

0%
April 7, 197530m
5x9

In 55AD the early Goodies venture to Rome to provide entertainment for the fruit-fancying Emperor, but are eventually confronted by Attila the Hun and the invading Barbarians.

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Cunning Stunts

0%
April 14, 197530m
5x10

Bill is fired from the Goodies' newspaper for being a hopeless reporter and after he is rejected by the love of his life, he decides to end it all by entering the Eurovision Raving Loony Contest.

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South Africa

0%
April 21, 197530m
5x11

The Goodies are forced to emigrate to South Africa where the absence of black people forces a new form of segregation called apart-height, mainly affecting short people like jockeys and Bill.

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Bunfight at the OK Tearooms

0%
April 28, 197530m
5x12

With hardly a penny to their name, the Goodies go prospecting for gold - and discover Cornish cream.

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The End

0%
May 5, 197530m
5x13

The Goodies’ office accidentally gets covered in concrete, leaving them trapped for a century. They desperately try to survive while they grow hungry and slightly mad…

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Goodies Rule - OK?

0%
December 21, 197550m
5x14

The unwanted Goodies finally hit the big time after years of failure, only for the government to topple and all forms of fun to be banned, requiring a civil uprising and a puppet government.

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Lips, or Almighty Cod

0%
September 21, 197630m
6x1

Cod have become so scarce that there is nothing to make fish fingers from.

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Hype Pressure

0%
September 28, 197630m
6x2

Tim invites Bill and Graeme to perform on the talent show he presents.

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Daylight Robbery on the Orient Express

0%
October 5, 197630m
6x3

Goodies Holidays is creating an exciting mystery tour aboard the Orient Express for the Detectives Club, but things go astray when the train is hijacked and taken to the Le Boring Contest.

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Black and White Beauty

0%
October 12, 197630m
6x4

Graeme has established a rest home for clapped-out old animals and is sent a pantomime horse, which Tim trains before it is callously stolen by Bill to enter in the Grand National.

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It Might as Well be String

0%
October 19, 197630m
6x5

A series of too honest ads sees revenue for the Goodies' advertising agency plummet, until Tim discovers the joys of string, and Bill and Graeme set about ripping him off.

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2001 and a Bit

0%
October 26, 197630m
6x6

The futuristic sons of the Goodies have become bored with the extremely violent forms of modern entertainment and seek to revive something truly civilised from their fathers' era - cricket.

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The Goodies - Almost Live

0%
November 2, 197630m
6x7

A concert featuring many of The Goodies' best known songs, including Cactus in my Y-Fronts, Funky Gibbon, Black Pudding Bertha, Bounce, Last Chance Dance and Wild Thing.

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Alternative Roots

0%
November 1, 197730m
7x1

A historical look back at the ancestors of the Goodies; Celtic Kilty (Graeme), County Cutie (Tim) and Kinda Kinky (Bill) and how they were captured by the evil television slave traders.

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Dodonuts

0%
November 8, 197730m
7x2

Disgusted by Tim and Graeme's love of hunting, Bill vows to protect the last dodo.

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Scoutrageous

0%
November 22, 197730m
7x3

Tim indoctrinates Bill and Graeme into the Scouts, but they take things to extremes resulting in the movement being declared illegal.

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Punky Business

0%
November 29, 197730m
7x4

The punk phenomenon grips Britain as even grannies reject niceness.

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Royal Command

0%
December 6, 197730m
7x5

The revised Royal Variety Show hosted by Graeme is so well received by the royal family that they enter showbiz but end up in hospital, requiring the Goodies to act as their replacements.

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Earthanasia

0%
December 22, 197730m
7x6

It's Christmas Eve, and as The Goodies prepare for Christmas they learn that the world is about to end.

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Politics

0%
January 14, 198030m
8x1

Graeme is faced with selling the image of two potential Prime Ministers to the nation; Bill as the revolutionary Che Monyou and Tim as the stunning Timita.

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Saturday Night Grease

0%
January 21, 198030m
8x2

Bill decides to open Disco Bilius and introduces a mixed dancing competition.

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A Kick in the Arts

0%
January 28, 198030m
8x3

The British Olympic team is broke. Tim joins them and competes against Graeme and Bill's Rest of the World team.

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U-Friend or UFO?

0%
February 4, 198030m
8x4

The strange alien abductions of trombonists prompt Bill to solve the mystery.

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Animals

0%
February 11, 198030m
8x5

Tim becomes an animal rights activist, so Bill becomes a vegetable rights activist and a Watership Down parody ensues.

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War Babies

0%
February 18, 198030m
8x6

The Goodies are grown-up babies who are sent off to boarding school during the war years, and are asked by Churchill to go behind enemy lines to buy him a box of German cigars.

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Robot

0%
January 9, 198230m
9x2

Due to dire financial conditions, Bill is fired and replaced with a baby robot; however Tim and Graeme need help with raising it and hire a strange, bearded, Swedish nanny.

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Football Crazy

0%
January 16, 198230m
9x3

Bill the soccer hooligan is in fine form as Tim becomes Chief of Police in a bid to stamp out such boorish conduct, with football then becoming so boring that its fans flock to the ballet instead.

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Big Foot

0%
January 23, 198230m
9x4

The Goodies set off to the Canadian Rockies in search of the mythical Arthur C. Clarke, but find all sorts of other weird creatures including the legendary Bigfoot.

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Change of Life

0%
January 30, 198230m
9x5

Bill's 40th birthday makes the Goodies decide to close the business due to old age.

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Holiday

0%
February 6, 198230m
9x6

A supposedly relaxing holiday in the seaside village of Dunsquabblin turns very stressful when the Goodies are trapped inside for 17 days due to heavy rain and snow.

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Animals are People Too

0%
February 13, 198230m
9x7

Graeme's pet shop has a special new line - people dressed up as animals, but they also suffer from being dumped so Tim sets up a protection society, while Graeme cruelly puts the strays to work.

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