Zoe Norton Lodge shares a story of her grandparents' relationship which makes the Manson family seem functional and Ian 'Dicko' Dickson confesses the inner thoughts of a Bastard Judge.

Ben Jenkins meets a doorknocking thief and decides to let him in, while Jonathan Holmes reads from his 1965 Istanbul travel diaries and finds out that his mother was right.

Ben Jenkins meets a policeman with delusions of grandeur and a nerf gun, and Patrick Magee relives the time he was Batman with an eating disorder.

Necessity is the mother of invention when David Cunningham begins to explore his early inklings of homosexuality, and childhood was rough for Alex Lee too, who once had to take off her Geography teacher's pants.

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Can you have sex with your cousin? Rob Carlton provides a compelling answer; and Mark Sutton finds that not all muggers are the same.

Lewis Hobba has the worst first day of school ever, which ultimately makes him the proudly unisex-jeans wearing man he is today; and Cait Harris stages her own death to circumvent her parents' plans for divorce.

Zoe Norton Lodge uses her school drama skills and auditions for a porno; and Richard Cooke implores us to ditch boring Christmas in favour of Vietnamese Christmas, which is far superior.

Zoe Norton Lodge has her first forays into self-satisfaction, she just wishes her mum's cleaning lady didn't know all about it; and Alex Lee realises she came to be because her father didn't wear a shirt in the 70s.