Simon returns to Reading and recalls a school project that led to him unearthing a terrible secret about his parents' marriage and his sister revealing some devastating news.

The Doonans go deep into the world of Brit Art when they meet rabble rouser Stacey Bile near the Kate Winslet memorial roundabout. This leads to several road accidents, imminent birth, blind ladies driving cars, and the Turner Prize. Meanwhile, Aunty Hayley has set herself up as a telephone astrologer with one rather obsessive client.

Simon is plagued by school bullies and decides to leave home to be with The Beautiful People. But as usual, nothing goes according to plan. Debbie, convinced that she's destined for stardom, becomes to talk of Melody Crescent. AS our favourite characters converge in the front room for Debbie's TV premiere, three questions remain: Will Kylie ever get out of the closet? Who is Puff Daddy's daddy? and... Will Simon meet his match?