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WHAT I LEARNED FROM THE FIRST 100 EPISODES OF DARK SHADOWS... AND BEYOND!
posted by Dedoc1967STAFFMOD on January 20, 2021 at 7:27 AM
Her name is Victoria Winters
Carolyn suffers from undiagnosed bipolar disorder
The Collins’ have deforested Maine to keep their fireplace endlessly lit
Growing up in a Foundling Ward is proper training to be a governess
Victoria spends an awful lot of money on mailing stamped envelopes to herself
It seems highly unlikely that Roger would ever beget a child with a woman
There is no shortage of dodgy, older men pledging their undying loyalty to Elizabeth
A fortune can be made by canning sardines
Collinsport must be very dull if a trip to Bangor is exciting
A failed artist can afford a sizable two bedroom cottage in town
The hotel diner thrives by giving away sundaes and serving lousy coffee
No one questions a middle aged man entertaining a 9 year old boy in his hotel room alone
Vehicular manslaughter only rates five years in prison
Ex-convicts can amass a fortune in South America in under five years
Ellizabeth spends six hours on hair every morning, only to sit around the house all day
Elizabeth has resting disapproval face
Attempting to murder your father is a rite of passage
People care way too much about silver fountain pens
For all their wealth, there are only two phones in the Collinwood mansion, and they are 10 feet apart
No one asks who’s there before opening the front door to their isolated mansion
Being someone’s hired housekeeper is a lot like being someone’s wife
Maggie lies about the freshness of the diner’s mayonnaise
The hotspot in town is some dive bar that plays one song over and over
Being a 10 min walk from the cannery, the Evans’ house must reek to high heaven
Elizabeth is still paying off a 150 year-long mortgage on Collinwood
Room Service thinks Burke eats two steaks for dinner
Maggie is an expert on diesel engines, and that turns Joe on
Maggie is allowed 2 minutes of self-pity a day
David loves funerals
You just know there’s a secret closet full of decapitated puppies in David’s room
“What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor?” sounds far more salacious than it turns out to be
Susie the Waitress won’t speak to customers
Roger always thought there was “something a little wrong with David”.
David can self-teach himself about car engines and tidal currents, but can’t learn what is the sum of 8 times 8.
Roger is a high-functioning alcoholic
Victoria plays the Foundling Sympathy Card a lot
Cold blowy nights are the best nights to have fun
Sam doesn’t want his daughter Maggie wasting her time hoping for something she’s unlikely to ever find, such as love or a happy ending.
Frank Garner is a champion of lost causes, such as Victoria Winters
Victoria thinks it’s a good idea to drink plenty of coffee before a long drive on a cold night
A Nor’easter usually lasts three days. It ended the next morning.
Lowland back roads are far less likely to be flooded than highland major highways
Victoria has clearly never seen inside of the Bridal suite at the Waldorf Astoria
Elizabeth doesn’t want anyone else but brother Roger aroused.
Reply by bratface
on January 20, 2021 at 9:18 AM
64?
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 20, 2021 at 9:14 PM
No, only 53. But I hope you'll still need me, hope you'll still feed me.
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 21, 2021 at 10:24 AM
Sheriff Patterson can't think of a reason why Roger would be meeting a confirmed bachelor on a lonely beach late at night.
Everyone agrees it's preposterous to think Roger would try to sneak into Victoria's bedroom late at night.
There's quite a few people who have a motive to kill a simple governess
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 22, 2021 at 11:23 AM
Victoria doesn't have any wild ideas
Matthew has confessor's remorse
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 23, 2021 at 10:00 AM
Victoria needs Frank on retainer -- she has one hell of a "hostile workplace" suit against the Collins
18 years of loyal service, including murder, and Elizabeth has no idea if Matthew has any family or friends.
David sees dead people
Frank giggles every time he says Bangor to Victoria.
For years, Matthew has seen fear on the faces of men and women.
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 24, 2021 at 11:50 AM
Mrs. Johnson has zero peripheral vision
Mrs. Johnson is such a thorough housekeeper that she dusts the inside of drawers
Victoria is horrified when she realizes Matthew's secret hiding room for the past few days doesn't have a toilet. 🤢
Reply by bratface
on January 24, 2021 at 12:07 PM
Dedoc, Could you explain the rabbit joke?
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 24, 2021 at 10:03 PM
From the other thread? Rabbit is a (blood) type O. Typo. Should be Rabbi. 😃
Reply by bratface
on January 25, 2021 at 3:58 AM
I still don't get it. I'm usually not dense but this one...?
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 25, 2021 at 5:51 AM
The joke should be a priest, a reverend, and a rabbi walk into a blood bank. Such set-ups usually have this particular trio walking into a bar or being on a plane, etc. -- but the blood bank is necessary for the joke to make sense. Instead of saying rabbi (as would be the norm), the joke subverts your expectation by saying rabbit. Clearly, that doesn't make sense. The next line is the rabbit saying at the blood bank that he is Type O (a blood designation). That is the joke because Type O makes sense for a blood bank setting while its homophone "typo" (written error) also makes sense why it is a rabbit in the scenario and not the anticipated norm of a rabbi.
Now, if I need to explain it any further, I will suspect you are trolling me... 😉
Reply by bratface
on January 25, 2021 at 6:10 AM
Not trolling at all. I just don't get what's even mildly funny. I normally love 'dumb' jokes but this one? Thanks though.
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 25, 2021 at 7:19 AM
Humor is subjective. 🤷♂️
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 26, 2021 at 8:47 AM
Elizabeth always had an odd feeling about Victoria
Burke doesn't feel like a Janet Fisher
Carolyn hates lying to her mother and uncle, unless it keeps her out of trouble
There's nothing special about going to Bangor with Victoria
Victoria Winters' initials are A.M.
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 27, 2021 at 9:25 AM
Sheriff George Patterson deduces that Matthew might hurt Vicki, but on the other hand he might not.
It's easy to be brutally honest to someone you don't care about
Matthew believes it's fine to steal food and brandy, but don't ever steal cigarettes!
Josette Collins is incandescent
Reply by Dedoc1967
on January 28, 2021 at 10:42 PM
Victoria Winters is not an animal. She is a human being!
There is no such thing as widows. They don't exist.
Ex-convict Burke believes that harboring a fugitive won't land you in jail.
Like a good specter, Josette is there.
Victoria has lived through days of terror. Still, better than Days of Thunder.